I like this one

I like this one

The difference between having Guts and having Balls...

Guts is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

Balls is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next."

Guess Who?

Guess Who?

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity gets the better of him and he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he's doing.
"I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine's Day cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer."

Swimming Poo-l

Swimming Poo-l
Woo and yay for bad puns...ahem
Yeah anyways at the grand old age of 6 it was a fine and dandy idea of my parents to send me to swimming lessons. So swim away we did, us little barely potty trained ones.
One day, to our petite bemusement, we were all rushed out of the pool, along with everyone else. Turned out the lifeguards thought they had seen a drowned baby in the corner of the pool. So in they went with nets and swimmers.
How we chortled when the lifeguards fished a large turd out of the water. This was no normal turd, this was a big old baby sized turd.